Who's Lou Dobbs: A Tragicomedy in One Act
Setting: Unknown location. It's Wednesday morning.
circumlocutor: Do you want to go to this Lou Dobbs thing at GW tomorrow?
Friend 1: Let’s go!LIVE CNN SPECIAL "WAR ON THE MIDDLE CLASS" WITH LOU DOBBS AT GW
Join us for a special live edition of Lou Dobbs Tonight, "War on the Middle Class" at The George Washington University.
Lou Dobbs is taking the War on the Middle Class to the front lines in Washington, asking why our elected officials are not representing the needs of the American middle class.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
The live program begins at 8:00 p.m.
Doors open at 7:00 p.m. Audience members must be seated by 7:40 p.m.
circumlocutor: Ok… I’m going to email them right now and ask for three tickets. You do the same.
[The two type emails on prop computers.]
Friend 1: [90 seconds later] They said yes!
circumlocutor: How did I know they would say yes to you first? Do you mind if I bring the Former-Former-Former-Significant Other along? Now that you are the keeper of the tickets, I have to sweet talk you.
Friend 1: Haha! Let me make sure one of my friends whose in from out of town doesn’t want to go. If she doesn’t, then the Former-Former-Former-Significant Other is more than welcomed!!
circumlocutor: I’ll try to get my own tickets.
[Friend 1 exits stage.]
circumlocutor: [to self, looking at prop computer] I have my own tickets now. Four of them.
[Friend 2 and Friend 3 enter stage.]
circumlocutor: OK, I reserved four tickets for this Lou Dobbs thing tomorrow night -- CNN live from GW.... one for me, one for the F-F-F-Significant Other and one for each of you. If either or both of you want to go, I have tickets for you -- should be fun. Let me know if you want to go or not.
Friend 2: Um. Eau.
Friend 3: Does that translate into NO?
Friend 2: Yes, that’s a no.
circumlocutor: Last time I try to do anything nice.
Friend 2: Weeknights are for working out. Sorry!
Friend 3: I have a date.
circumlocutor: Whatever. I have yet to hear back from the F-F-F-S Other. He may not even want to go because he doesn't get off of work until 7 or 8 most nights. In that case, I'll just take a nap tomorrow during that time.
[Friends 2 & 3 exit. Friends 4 & 5 enter stage.]
circumlocutor: Want to go see Lou Dobbs tomorrow night at GW? I have tickets.
Friend 4: Who’s Lou Dobbs?
circumlocutor: You know, the chubby guy on CNN. His hair was white, and now it’s red. He’s always screaming about illegal aliens.
Friend 4: Oh, right. No. I don’t in any way want to go.
Friend 5: I’m busy. Grey’s Anatomy. Who’s Lou Dobbs?
[Friends 4 & 5 exit. Friend 1 enters.]
Friend 1: I’m glad you got your own tickets! (lol)
circumlocutor: Doesn’t matter. No one wants to go. No one knows who Lou Dobbs is -- and those who do, don’t like him.
Friend 1: Huh. My friend just called me back to say that she’s going back home tomorrow instead of Saturday….beahtch.
THE END
6 comments:
I want to go. Who do I e-mail?
Jason, email me -- circumlocutordc at gmail dot com -- and I'll forward you the lengthy ticket instructions.
HAHAHAHAHAA! So, what are you going to do rube?! Are you going or what?! Let me know!
I want to go! No one interesting or even controversial ever comes to my thriving metropolis!
Okay, I finally read this. Sorry it took me so long. BUSY! Work kicking Velvet's ass. Wait, I'm not fucking Velvet anymore.
Now I get why you wanted me to read. HA HA!
Jason-- I guess you didn't want those tickets after all. Nothing lossed... it was cancelled (see follow up post.)
Sugar-- So much for that.
Beth-- Maybe Diane Rehm will pay you a visit if she does spray her eye with perfume again.
Velvet-- You need a new avatar now that you're no longer Velvet... or maybe just put a big "X" over the current one.
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