Note to DC Bloggers: Betty Ford (Still) an Option

During lunchtime/lunchbreak websurfing, I (somehow) came across an article/column/piece of crap written by a local (aspiring) Paris Hilton (clone) named KAC. KAC, Kelly Ann Collins, seems--tangentially/delusionally /creatively--to see DC in shades of hip--in trite attempts to identify with socialites/heiresses/glamazons. Gross.

Based on the liquor intake KAC so joyfully trumpets in her posting(s), it's amazing that she remembers anything (except the time for last call) worth writing. Clearly, she has forgotten that this is Washington (DC)...land of the (un)hip...all (that) booze must be going to her head. But I must ask...Are we in the same city? Are their secret places that might (actually) be considered hip? Oh, the chronically inebriated...

Former Washingtonian & recovering blogger: Betty Ford

KAC's latest "must-read" posting is Thursday is so last week. Gee, KAC, thanks for that brainy/insightful/pulse-of-the-city scoop! Twelve (people) drive from Culpepper to the Capital on a Tuesday and--suddenly--shazam--it's the new Thursday! Got it. Writing it on my hand. KAC raves about boutique hotel lounges in DC. Wow. Give her a Pulitzer...or another drink.

[Note: If we are going to talk about hotel bars, can we first talk about the guys wearing oversized polos or t-shirts with cargo shorts and flip flops in said bars?]

KAC writes:
My reaction to Margo's new wine happy hour: An hour of happiness with wine? Party on a Tuesday? What more could a socialite want? Not much except some wine-colored shoes and clutch to complete the look (and maybe a set of those French guys, to go). So, have your people call my people. Tuesday is in the social spotlight and the day when I'll be Topazing it up with my entourage. Thursday is so last week.

To which circumlocutor writes:
Wake up and smell the poppers, lady...you are (not) in New York or South Beach or LA. Sober up and get a grip.

Back to circumlocutor's initial question of whether (or not) we live in the same city...for which the answer is "yes." The reason: I (now) understand/realize who KAC is....she and several of the other (area) boozehound bloggers are the vapid 20-something blondes knocking over 80-year old women en route to the Social Safeway check-out. They are the dum dums screaming on cell phones in Citibank or (nearly) crushing toes when their colossal SUVs leave the tiny streets of Georgetown and enter the sidewalks.

Yes, we are, unfortunately, in the same city. Women like KAC make many a Washingtonian hurl in disgust. It's all ok as long as the girls are still plastered, right?

KAC and the other (area) Parasite Hilton (clones) are vain wannabes (who are never gone-a-bes)...infecting the region with snitty (snotty) snorts of entitlement....and noticable lacks talent, style or intelligence (and questionable beauty) with which to back up said snitty/snotty/snorty attitudes. They (alone) are responsible for the abysmal state of (DC) nightlife...forcing more (and more) nightlife-population segregation...making it so (that) no one feels welcome outside the presence of (their) dopplegangers. With (their) collective/individual (and obnoxious) lack originality and (their) poorly-mannered suburban bitchiness, they wiggle across streets in sloppy shower-shoed ensembles on their way to the next pseudo-hip, arrogantly exclusionary, Chumbawamba-playing, over-priced-drink slinging dump.

And yes...we read the posts on their blogs (of KAC and her DC imitators)...the posts where they recount the quantities and types of alcohol consumed (seven nights a week)...the posts where they giggle about how they are (probably) an alcoholic and brag about how they are (probably) still "bombed" as they type the posting...and, NO, we do not think it is cute (or funny) or fun (or sassy) or trend-setting (or awe-inspiring) or envy generating to read said posts.

We think it's pathetic.
satire DC Washington DC circumlocutor